Lucy's Friends
by TheLibraryWitch
Summary: A one-shot collection centered around the members of Fairy Tail, Saber-tooth, Tartaros, Edolas and everything in between. 22. END: But what does this mysterious acronym mean?
1. Ship Wars

Gray could see the tension when he entered the guild hall.

The building was unnaturally silent. Not even Juvia greeted him when he entered.

Every pair of eyes in the guild riveted onto one table, intensely focused. Erza wasn't even eating the strawberry cake that sat in front of her. Gray turned his head, seeking what had caught their unwavering attention.

Lucy and Levy sat next to each other at the bar, their stools turned until they faced the other. They locked together in an intense staring contest. Neither of them blinked. Lucy's eye twitched. Everything was dead silent.

Gray crossed the guild hall, walking over to where Natsu sat at one of the tables. He stared at the pair of mages silently.

"Oi flame-brain," Gray hissed, feeling the need to stay quiet, "What the heck is happening here?"

"Lucy and Levy are scary," Natsu whimpered, nursing a large bruise on his bicep.

Gray opened his mouth to speak. Levy broke the silence first.

"Will," She growled, butting her forehead against Lucy's.

"Jem," Lucy snarled viciously, pushing Levy back.

"They got married," Levy barked.

Lucy glared fiercely at the little blue-haired mage, "They got engaged first."

"Because Tessa didn't want to hurt his feelings!"

"That is SO not true!" Lucy yelled, "Tessa was totally in love with him! MY Jem, arranging the meeting at Blackfriar's bridge. She refused Will in the drawing room!"

A visible black aura surrounded the two.

"Will was better for her!" Levy screamed back, "He wasn't going to die young and leave her a widow!"

Lucy shouted back incredulously, "He said she was no better than a prostitute! Will's a jerk!"

"He did that to keep her away! He thought he was cursed! Will didn't want Tessa to get hurt! Unlike Jem who set them both up for a fall when he died!"

"You mean he was honest with her? He told her the truth, and SHE still CHOSE to be with him!"

Lucy shoved the small script mage. Levy fell off of her chair, hitting the ground with a thud. The bluenette recovered swiftly, jumping up and tackling the celestial mage to the ground. Lucy gave an indignant shriek before she began to try to pry the shorter girl off of her.

"Wessa!" Levy cried, being thrown off of her blonde best friend.

"Jessa!" Lucy shrieked back, kicking out at the other girl.

"Wessa!" Levy screamed her battle cry again, leaping back onto the blonde.

Gray watched the two girls brawl in stupefied silence. Since when did Lucy and Levy fight? Lucy, who was always yelling at him and Natsu for their arguments, had started a fight, with her best friend, on the floor of the guild hall. Gray didn't know whether to be amazed or terrified.

The front doors of the guild hall flew open.

"Oi, what's every one so…" Gajeel barked, "Shrimp? Bunny-girl! The hell is happening?!"

Lucy and Levy didn't even bother to acknowledge his presence. They tangled together on the floor. Lucy had her hands fisted in Levy's blue hair, yanking on it viciously, and the script mage had her hands around the blonde's throat.

"What's going on?" Gajeel roared.

"Tessa belongs with Jem!" Lucy crowed, holding Levy in a chokehold.

Levy buried her teeth in Lucy's forearm, causing the celestial mage to let her go with a gasp. "Tessa belongs with Will!" She declared.

Gajeel looked at Gray pleadingly. Gray just shook his head and shrugged. He had absolutely no idea.

"Lucy and Levy are scary," Natsu whispered reverently beside him.

Gajeel growled, "That's it."

He marched over to the wrestling mages and picked them both up by the scruffs of their necks. Lucy had her hand fisted in the front of Levy's dress, and Levy had her arm pulled back to punch her best friend in the face.

"What the hell are you two arguing about?" Gajeel thundered.

Lucy stuck her tongue out at Levy, releasing her shirt front to cross her arms.

"We were reading Clockwork Princess," Levy explained, sticking her tongue out at Lucy in retaliation, "And Lucy said that Tessa should end up with Jem, but she's better with Will."

"No way!" Lucy yelled, "Tessa and Jem were made for each other!"

Gajeel squinted at the pair of girls, "So yer nearly killin' each other over fake people? The hell is wrong with you?"

Both mages snapped their heads around to look at him so fast it was unnatural.

"Fake…" Levy hissed, emanating a dark aura.

"…People?" Lucy finished, pulling her fist back.

In unison, the two crashed their balled up fists into Gajeel's chest, sending him flying into the wall. He slumped to the floor, unconscious. Levy huffed.

"The nerve of him!" She exclaimed, planting her hands on her hips.

Lucy nodded vigorously, "What is wrong with your boyfriend?!"

The script mage blushed a bright shade of red, "Lu-chan! He isn't my boyfriend!"

Gracefully sitting down on one of the barstools, Lucy smirked, "You keep telling yourself that, Levy-chan. Anyway, have you read the Divergent trilogy?"

Levy sat down on the barstool next to her best friend, "I was just about to ask you that! I cried BUCKETS at the end of Allegiant!"

Lucy clapped her hands to her cheeks, "I know! It was terrible!"

They continued chatting about one book or another, leaving the guild in a stunned silence, with Gajeel still collapsed against the wall, knocked out.

Honestly, Gray thought he would never understand girls. And he didn't think that he wanted to.


	2. Misdial

*Ring, ring*

Natsu (Groggy): Hello?

Lucy (Uncertain): Hi, Um, Sting? Hey yeah… It's me.

Natsu: What? …Lady, who are you talking to?

Lucy: Oh, I'm so sorry! Did I get a wrong number? And don't call me lady! That's impolite!

Natsu: You must've gotten a wrong number. And you're the one who woke me up at three in the morning, so you shouldn't be talking about impolite.

Lucy…I'm really sorry. I must have misdialed.

Natsu: Yeah, or that Sting guy you were talking about gave you a wrong number. He's probably a jerk.

Lucy: How would you know?! You've never met him! He wouldn't do that!

Natsu: If you say so lady. If you don't mind, I've got a test tomorrow, so I'm gonna get some sleep.

Lucy: It's Lucy.

Natsu: What?

Lucy: My name. It's not lady, it's Lucy.

Natsu: That's nice Luigi. Goodnight.

Lucy: IT'S LUCY. Honestly, how did you forget so fast? And goodnight. Good luck on your test.

Natsu: Thanks. And I'm Natsu, by the way.

*Line disconnects*

*Six months later*

*Ring, Ring*

Natsu: Hello?

Lucy: *Muffled sobs are heard*

Natsu: Hello?! HELLO?! Who is this?! Are you okay?! Is something wrong?!

Lucy: Ye-e-es! *Blows nose* Everything is wrong! *More sobs*

Natsu: Lucy?! Are you okay? What's wrong?

Lucy: I d-don't w-w-want to t-talk about-t it!

Natsu: Then why did you call me you weirdo?

Lucy: I d-d-don't know! *Sob*

Natsu: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please calm down.

Lucy: I don't wanna!

Natsu: Lucy, what happened?

Lucy: Y-you w-w-were r-right! St-Sting was a j-j-jerk!

Natsu: What did he do?

Lucy: He cheated on m-me! *Muffled scream*

Natsu: Where is he?! I'll beat him up!

Lucy: *Hiccups* *Giggles* that's sweet of you, Natsu. But I don't even know where you are.

Natsu: So?

Lucy: Never mind. *Hiccups* so, how did your test go?

Natsu: It went great! I totally beat that frozen stripper!

Lucy (Confused): Frozen… Stripper…?

Natsu: Gray. I scored higher than he did!

Lucy (Quietly): That doesn't explain anything…

Natsu: Hey, Lucy. Why did you call me about this? Don't you have friends?

Lucy: Rude! Yes, I do have friends. They're already worried about me enough though…

Natsu: Isn't that what friends are for though?

Lucy: …I guess you're right.

Natsu: Yup! That's 'cause I'm awesome!

Lucy: How does he change moods so fast?

Natsu: Who are you talking to you weirdo?

Lucy: Don't call me a weirdo!

Natsu: Yeah, whatever.

*quiet*

Lucy:… Hey Natsu?

Natsu: Yeah, Lucy?

Lucy: We're friends now, right?

Natsu: I guess so.

Lucy: That's good. It was nice talking to you, Natsu.

Natsu: Back atcha Lucy. Goodnight.

Lucy: Goodnight Natsu.


	3. Ice Make: Erza

Natsu smashed through yet another of Gray's ice doubles.

He growled, "Come out and fight me, ice princess!"

The doubles only multiplied in response. Natsu could hear Gray laugh from somewhere in the maze of figurines, the sound bouncing off of the ice statues, making it impossible to pinpoint where the noise was coming from.

Natsu kicked another frozen sculpture, shattering it to glimmering ice crystals. He paused as something occurred to him.

"Oi, Stripper!" He called, "Can you make other people?"

The ice doubles melted away. Gray wandered out of the forest, absently pulling off his coat. "Dunno," He admitted, "Never tried."

He clasped his hands together, his shirt magically disappearing in the process.

"Ice make, Erza!" Gray barked.

A cold fog materialized. When it faded away, standing there was a perfect facsimile of the scarlet haired requip mage.

"Cool!" Natsu shouted.

Gray nodded, looking immensely satisfied with himself.

"It looks just like her!" Natsu declared, "Except it isn't trying to kill us."

Both mages let out an involuntary shiver at the thought of Erza Scarlet in a rage.

"Can you make it move?" Natsu asked.

Gray shook his head, "Nah. I'm a static ice make mage."

"So it's useless?" Natsu sounded disappointed, "I wanted to spar with it. Erza just kicks me when I ask her."

"It's not useless, flame-brain," Gray growled, unpleased by the mockery of his work, "It just doesn't do anything."

"Then I'm going to smash it," Natsu declared.

Which was not the right thing to say at the time.

A tick mark appeared on Erza Scarlet's forehead. She had been sent to retrieve the two idiots for whatever reason, and what did she find them doing? She marched out into the clearing, requiping to her sword as she walked.

"You are going to do what now?" Erza snarled, raising her sword over her shoulder.

"Erza?!" Gray and Natsu cried, clinging to each other.

Tucked cozily away in her apartment, Lucy looked up from her novel. She almost thought she heard a scream.

She shook her head, sighing. Turning back to her novel, she wondered what her two teammates had done to anger Erza this time.


	4. Fan Club

"Let the first monthly meeting of Fiore's fan club begin!" Freed declared.

Juvia, Dan Straight, and Lyon Vastia burst into a round of polite applause.

"Joining us today is our Vice President, Juvia Loxar," Freed stepped away from the podium allowing to the blue-haired woman to take the stand.

Juvia waved cheerily, "Juvia is very happy to be here today! Juvia is always happy for more opportunities to prove her love for Gray-Sama!"

From the audience Lyon sobbed, "Why Juvia-chan? Why won't you love me?"

Dan Straight patted his back sympathetically.

Juvia returned to her seat, and Freed took the podium again, sparkles filling the surrounding air.

"Let us all aspire to be like Juvia, filling our minds with devotion with our idols!" Freed professed. "I think of Laxus-Sama always!"

He reverted back to his normal, calm persona. The sparkles dissipated.

"For our announcements today, I regret to inform you that many of our members were unable to come today, such as my teammates, Evergreen and Bixlow," Freed continued. The other members of the club shook their heads solemnly, "And Ichiya was distracted by Erza's 'parfum' so he also will not be partaking in the meeting. That is all for announcements. Would anyone like to take the podium?"

Dan Straight shot out of his seat, running up to the podium and loudly declaring, "I will win the love of my Angey-chan!"

"And Juvia will always love Gray-Sama!" Juvia declared, cuddling a Gray doll.

Lyon sobbed dramatically in front of her, "Why Juvia-chan? Why?"

"Blondie~" Flare grinned psychotically.

Lyon squinted at her, melodramatic tears gone, "When did you get here?"

Flare turned her stare to him, still grinning.

"Never mind," Lyon muttered, shivering.

The door squeaked open.

"Hello?" The owner of the house called, "Natsu? I swear, if you're eating the fondant I made for Mira's birthday then," Lucy opened her bedroom door.

Every head in the room swiveled to stare; eyes open wide, at Lucy.

"Blondie~" Flare smiled again.

Lucy gaped. They blinked in unison. Lucy began to back away, giggling nervously.

"Love rival…" A black aura surrounded Juvia.

Eyes wide, Lucy turned around, walking stiffly out of the room. "You can… um… bye…" The door slammed shut.


	5. Visitors

This was it. Lucy was going to scream. Lucy was going to murder someone. No, Lucy was going to murder a lot of people. She was going to go on a murder spree that would terrorize Magnolia until Fiore sent the Rune Knights in, and then she would fall in love with a commanding officer and then… Wasn't that the plot of the book she just finished?

Lucy growled, dropping her groceries on the kitchen table.

"Natsu…" Lucy's tone was warning. _You have five seconds to apologize and beg on your knees for me not to murder you, _it said.

Her pink haired partner's head popped up over the top of her refrigerator door.

"Oh, hey Lucy!" He smiled cheerfully, "You're out of Oreos."

"I wasn't before you got here!" Lucy shrieked. She did not have the patience for this today.

"Yeah well-,"

Lucy cut the dragon slayer off, grabbing him by the back of the scarf and dragging him out of the kitchen and into the living room. A blue tail entered her field of vision, and she quickly lunged at it, effectively trapping Happy with her free hand.

Ignoring the protests of her two annoying teammates, she pushed them out of the already open (thanks to a certain pair of trespassers) window.

"If you want to get back in, you can use the DOOR!" She shouted, slamming the window shut forcefully and latching it. She took a deep breath and turned around, fully prepared for to put her groceries away and then to relax for the rest of the day.

What she was not expecting was the Guild master of Saber Tooth, his partner and their exceeds to be sitting quietly on her couch, completely shocked.

Lucy really did scream this time. Can you blame her?

She clutched her heaving chest. "What… what are you…"

Rogue cleared his throat, "Should we…" He began uncertainly, "Should we leave?"

Lucy caught her breath, "No… No, that's okay," She said, faintly, "I'll go make some tea…"

She walked uncertainly to the kitchen, robotically preparing the tea in her kettle. After the water had boiled and everything was prepared she arranged the tea cups and carried them back into the living room, significantly more relaxed.

Sting stood by her bookshelf, examining one of her many picture frames. The photo was of Levy at the guild, reading while in the background Natsu and Gajeel were simultaneously punched in the face by Erza.

Frosch sat on the couch by Rogue, the latter of which was flipping through one of the novels she kept on her coffee table. Lector was playing with one of her knick-knacks she had picked up from a job with Natsu.

All in all, they were acting like, _God Forbid_, normal houseguests.

Lucy set the tea tray on the coffee table. Rogue took a cup and sipped it, turning back to the novel with a quiet 'thank you.' Sting leaned over the couch, grabbing a tea cup.

"Thanks, Lucy-san," He grinned.

Lucy handed Lector and Frosch tea-cups. They both took sips.

"This is good tea," Lector declared.

"Fro thinks so too!" Frosch cooed.

Lucy picked up a cup also and sat on the couch across from the shadow dragon slayer.

Rogue cleared his throat uncertainly and looked up from the well-worn pages of the book, "Excuse me, Lucy-san, but… I mean was wondering-"

"Why'd you push Natsu-san out the window?" Sting cut in, carelessly slamming his now empty tea-cup down on the tray.

Lucy's eye twitched, "He keeps breaking into my house and eating all my food. And he doesn't even use the door… him and that dumb cat… at least they don't come in through the chimney like Gray… and they don't strip either…"

Both the dragon slayers and their exceeds were staring at Lucy, odd looks on their faces.

Lector was the first to break the silence, "Imagine if you did that to Minerva-san, Sting-kun!"

Sting blanched and Rogue turned a faint shade of green. They reminded Lucy of Natsu and Gray when Erza, and inevitably her wrath, were brought up. Lucy sipped her tea, vaguely amused.

"That… That would be a disaster…" Rogue shuddered.

"Fro thinks so too!" The green exceed stated solemnly.

Turning to Lucy, Sting asked, "Why isn't Natsu-san back yet?"

Lucy frowned, "What do you mean?"

"You said that Natsu-san could come back in if he used the door," Lector clarified, "So why isn't he back yet?"

Grimacing, Lucy admitted, "I don't think he knows where it is…"

Rogues eye twitched, Sting snorted, and Lector said, "Wow, Natsu-san really is an idiot."

"Fro thinks so too," Frosch agreed.

"No…" Lucy protested, "He just doesn't see the point of the door if he can go in the window. He doesn't look too much into things…"

Had it been anyone in Fairy Tail saying that, Lucy would have agreed wholeheartedly.

"Actually," Lucy started, placing her tea cup down on the table, "I was wondering why you followed Natsu here."

The twin dragon slayers shared a look.

"We were looking for a place to stay the night," Rogue explained, "And Natsu-san told us that he knew a place where we could stay."

Lucy's eye twitched, "And you didn't think that anything was weird when he let you in through the window?"

Sting put a finger up and opened his mouth, speechless. Rogue looked mildly embarrassed, "Well… It was Natsu-san…"

Lucy squinted at the duo, "And it would be totally normal for Natsu to have a neat, clean, pink apartment with a bunch of bookshelves?"

"We don't know what he's into," Sting shrugged.

"He's into renting out MY apartment to people without my permission apparently," Lucy muttered, "Speaking of which, I apologize, but you can't stay here tonight. You'll have to find a hotel."

Rogue nodded reasonably, "Of course. We understand. Actually, we have to start looking for a hotel now. Is it alright if I borrow this?" He held up the novel he had been reading.

Lucy smiled, "Of course."

"Thank you," Rogue pocketed the novel and began leading the group to the door.

Sting exited first, "Bye Lucy-san!" He raced off down the hallway, followed by his exceed, who also called a faint, "Good-bye!" She wondered how someone like that, who could rival Natsu in childishness any day, had managed to become guild master of Saber Tooth.

She shook her head and simply called back, "Goodbye, it was nice having you!"

Something tugged on Lucy's sock. She looked down, her eyes meeting Frosch's.

"Fro thinks that Lucy-san was very nice," The little green exceed stated. Lucy's heart melted.

"Aww~" Lucy cooed, scooping Frosch into a hug.

Rogue gave a small smile, "Thank you for having us, especially when our visit was so unexpected."

Lucy smiled back, "It's alright I'm used to it." Lucy handed Frosch to Rogue.

He took her with a nod and set off down the hallway.

"Goodbye!" Lucy called after them, "Come back any time!"

"WHEN I SAID ANY TIME I DIDN'T MEAN AT THREE IN THE MORNING! LECTOR STOP EATING THE ICECREAM! STING GET OUT OF MY BED I HAVEN'T EVEN KNOWN YOU FOR TWO MONTHS YET. ROGUE I SWEAR, IF YOU FLIP ONE MORE PAGE IN MY NOVEL YOU WON'T HAVE FINGERS TO FLIP PAGES WITH ANY MORE. AND FROSCH- you can stay."


	6. Confess

"Lucy!"

The Celestial mage turned around; reluctantly putting her bookmark into the novel she had borrowed from Levy. Her energetic pink-haired partner ran into the guild, waving wildly. His partner flew in after him. Happy had a mildly panicked expression on his face.

"Natsu, no!" The blue exceed cried.

Lucy crossed her arms in front of her chest. _What is it this time?_

Natsu stopped in front of her, a childish grin adoring his face. "I got something important to tell you!"

The dragon slayer's onyx eyes fastened onto hers. _This is it,_ she thought, a sparkling image of Natsu appearing in her mind, a rose clenched in between his imaginary teeth, _He is going to confess his love for me, and we will get married, and have 30 children who will…_

"Lucy, I think I'm in love with you!" Natsu declared, hands clasping her shoulders. His tone was light, as if he was informing her that the milk had run out, or he had bought her a cake.

_Oh well, no confessions to- Wait, WHAT?! _Lucy's eyes widened, her face turning the same shade of pink Natsu's hair. Everyone was staring at the pair now, waiting for the outcome. Lucy's face quickly darkened to Mirajane's dress magenta, and then onto Erza's hair scarlet. Her blush hit florescent red and impossibly went one shade darker.

Lucy passed out, falling off her bar stool.

The rest of the guild collectively face palmed. Happy muttered something like "I told him you couldn't do it like that," his face buried in his paws.

Levy simply smirked, raking in the money she had earned from the betting pool. Sometimes she just had to thank God that Lucy was so inexperienced. Mira and Cana groaned, cursing the same fact and reluctantly handing over their jewels.


	7. Drinking Buddies

"So when are you going to move on?" Bixlow asked casually, without looking at the blonde woman seated on the edge of the table next to him.

She shrugged, scribbling another word on her already ink covered arm, "I don't know," She didn't look up either, "I might have missed my chance."

Bixlow took a swig out of his tankard, "You're pretty calm about that."

She shrugged again, moving the pen from her arm to her leg. Bixlow wondered if the thing ever ran out of ink. "I don't want to leave."

Bixlow shook his head, watching the pen nib move over her exposed shin, "You know that's bad for you, right?"

His babies echoed him, "Bad for you! Bad for you!"

Lucy turned to him, an incredulous expression on her face, "Because I totally have to worry about that now."

"Just saying, cosplay queen," Bixlow shrugged, "I'm assuming you want me to write all that down?"

Lucy nodded, "Yes."

Searching for the notebook he had begun to keep, he grumbled, "How did I let you rope me into this?"

Lucy finally smiled a bit, kicking her feet in the air, "Remember who gets you your blackmail material. And who helped you out with Lisanna."

Bixlow slapped the notebook on the table, "I don't want to write your book for you, so let's get this over with cosplay queen."

With a final declaration of 'It's for Levy-chan,' Lucy began, "'I don't love you,' he told her, tears building up in his teal eyes. Shouldn't she be the one crying? She thought, watching numbly, watching the man she had devoted herself to drag himself away from her. She was crying though, she realized, feeling the warm tears on her face." Lucy read off her palm.

Bixlow scribbled away on the notebook, and Lucy kept reading off her arms and legs, only stopping when Lucy ran out of words. Bixlow closed the notebook and Lucy capped her pen, the words covering her arms and legs disappearing with small shimmers of golden light. Lucy clipped the pen to her belt.

"Hey, Cosplay Queen?" Bixlow started.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" Lucy murmured halfheartedly.

"Tons of times," Bixlow rolled his eyes, "Anyway, I was wondering if you were there."

Lucy furrowed her delicate eyebrows, "Where?"

"When Gajeel found out," Bixlow clarified, leaning back in his chair.

Remembering the impact of splintering of wood and a crack like a gun shot, Lucy nodded her head, "I still feel bad for Levy."

"He still took it better that Natsu did," Bixlow pointed out.

Lucy smiled mirthlessly, "Everyone took it better than Natsu did. I almost thought he was going to snap at Wendy…"

Bixlow took another swig from his tankard, casting a quick glance over to where the sky dragon slayer sat with Reedus, dragging her pencil over a sheet of paper. "She's still broken up about it. She thinks it's her fault."

Lucy frowned, looking to the small girl, "Do you seriously think I don't know that? I wish that I could tell her that this was the better of two options."

"She wouldn't buy it," Bixlow stated.

"I know," Lucy sighed.

The pair stayed silent, just thinking. Bixlow set his tankard on the table, before asking flippantly, "Have Levy and Ironman got it on yet?"

Lucy turned several different shades of red, "Bixlow!"

He tried not to laugh at her reaction, "Just trying to stay ahead in the betting pool. I want to know if there are going to be any blue haired, red eyed babies around anytime soon."

The color didn't fade from Lucy's face, "No! They haven't! And even if they did, I'm sure that Levy would know to have a c-c-,"

"A condom, Cosplay Queen?" Bixlow snorted, "God, you're innocent."

"Innocent! Innocent!" His babies chimed overhead.

"And you're crude!" Lucy shrieked, nearly falling off the table.

Bixlow did laugh this time. "Is Cana still seeing Bacchus?"

Lucy calmed down considerably, the vibrant scarlet color fading from her cheeks, "Yes. Gildarts still doesn't know."

Bixlow snickered, "We'd all know if he did. Remember when he found out that Hibiki had taken Cana on a date?"

Lucy shuddered at the memory, "I could hear the explosion all the way from my apartment."

Laughing at the memory, Bixlow picked his tankard up again, taking a long swig before slamming it on the counter again, "Mira!" He called across the hall, "Another!"

He turned back to Lucy, only to find she was staring nostalgically at the Natsu and Gray where they were tangled together on the floor. The fight hadn't escalated to the point where they were using their magic, and Erza intervened before they did.

Natsu and Gray now lay unconsciously on the floor, suffering from the effect of the impact of an armored fist on their head.

"I'm glad nothing changed with them," Lucy murmured softly.

"The hell are you talking about, nothing changed?" Bixlow scoffed, "They're never going to get over it."

"But they'll get past it," Lucy smiled, "They're strong like that. Look! They're even still a team!"

"Only because of you," Bixlow pointed out.

Lucy's reply was interrupted when Mira set a new tankard of beer in front of Bixlow, picking up his old one and placing it on her tray.

"There you go, Bixlow," Mira smiled cheerfully, "One beer! Who are you talking to?"

"It's no one," Bixlow waved her off, "Just talking to myself."

Mira looked at him a little dubiously, but shrugged and walked away, toting the empty mug on her metal tray. Bixlow could see Lucy's saddened expression out of the corner of his eyes.

"I think that what I miss most," Lucy murmured, "Mira never says hi now that I'm dead."

AN/ Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It really made my day!

I'd also like to say that I'm taking requests if you'd like to submit. Crack ships, AUs, whatever you want. As long as it's not lemon.


	8. Purr

Lucy sat on the bench next to Laxus. He was quiet, his head bobbing slightly to his music. Sighing in boredom, Lucy turned her head to look up at him.

With his stormy blue eyes closed, he looked sort of… peaceful.

Acting on some unknown urge, Lucy reached up, placing her hand on the Lightning Dragon slayer's head. He sat up, his spine ramrod straight.

Lucy giggled at his surprise.

Laxus turned to her with a confused expression. He took off his head phones, letting them hang around his neck.

Ignoring his incredulous look, Lucy pulled her hand through his hair, smoothing down the spikes, once, twice, before they sprang up again.

"Oi! What're you do-," Laxus's voice cut off, a deep rumble forcing its way out of his throat. Lucy pulled her hand back, startled at the noise. Laxus grabbed her hand, placing it back on his head.

"K-keep going," He mumbled, crossing his arms and hunching over. Lucy giggled nervously, but complied, petting his spiky blond hair once more. Another rumble came from the bottom of his throat before Lucy realized.

"Laxus," She whispered, trying not to attract attention from their rowdy guild mates, "Are you purring?"

"No," He answered, looking away. He purred again, effectively proving Lucy's theory.

Lucy giggled, playing with the little tufts and spikes of hair and combing her fingers through. Laxus's rumbling purrs became more regular, and he leaned against her, a hint of pink staining his cheeks.

Lucy smiled softly.

They stayed like that long after most of Fairy Tail went home, Laxus with his head on Lucy's shoulder, with her fingers running through his hair. Laxus had fallen asleep somewhere along the way, his arms still crossed.

When the guild was abandoned, only one light casting a soft glow on the couple, Lucy yawned, resting her head on his and joining him in slumber.

A/N: Hi, again. This one was done on the request of Joyeu, and I'd like to thank them for the idea! I don't think I really did it justice though, so I might go back and edit it later. If you want, you can still send me any requests you have.


	9. The Aftermath

The storm had passed. The Baram Alliance had been toppled, Acnologia was defeated, and Zeref's magic had been sealed. Everything should be cheerful, bright, and full of celebration.

So why was the sky constantly gray? Why hadn't the rain stopped?

Five people stood on a platform, in front of the seething mass of Crocus citizens. Master Makarov of Fairy Tail, Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, and Wendy Marvel prepared to give their speeches, and receive their rewards presented to them by the royal family of Fiore.

Their faces were grim, in spite of the celebratory atmosphere of the people below them.

Master Makarov spoke first.

"For years and years," The small, wizened, old man started, "The land of Fiore has been threatened by Dark Magic, created by a man deemed the most evil being in all creation. His magic has killed thousands, and ruined many lives. But no more. As of two weeks ago, Zeref was defeated, and his magic sealed away, never to be used again. This was made possible by the sacrifices of many brave individuals, who risked their lives. Even some who gave them up."

Everyone in Fairy Tail inhaled sharply.

"One such person was a member of my guild, Lucy Heartfilia, who lost her life in the fight against the guild master of Tartarus, Marde Geer, one of Zeref's demons. I award the title of Hero of Fiore to her, Post-mortem."

Makarov stepped away from the podium. Erza stepped up, wiping tears away.

"I am honored that you chose me to receive this award," Erza stated, "And I-" Her voice cracked, "Although I feel that there are people who fought who deserve this award more than I do, such as Mirajane Strauss, or Laxus Dreyar, to name a few, I accept this honor with pride."

She walked stiffly away from the podium, her head down.

Gray walked up to the podium, his hands stuffed in his pockets, "Yeah, thanks."

He walked away, going to stand by Erza.

Natsu stomped to the podium next. He stared out at the crowd, burning them with his stare. He seemed to deflate, almost, opening his mouth to say something before shutting it again.

He kicked over the podium, walking off stage.

Wendy scurried up next. She stood in front of the fallen podium, twisting her hands together. Tears gathered in her brown eyes. "I…" She trailed off, "It's all my… Lucy-nee… It's all my fault!" She sobbed, running off stage. Erza followed quietly.

Lucy watched, standing in the crowd next to a silently crying Juvia. She wished there was something she could do to help.


	10. The Princess: Drabble

Freed finished writing the runes, nodding victoriously to himself.

_Whomever stands within these runes will be the princess._

Freed stepped into the square. _Yes,_ he thought, _I AM the princess._


	11. Celestial Mages

"Lucy has more keys."

"Yukino has the thirteenth zodiac."

"Lucy has the best bed."

"Yukino is the best cook ever."

"Lucy survived fighting Minerva."

"Yukino survived fighting Kagura."

"Lucy is more fun!"

"Yukino is nicer!"

"MY CELESTIAL MAGE IS BETTER THAN YOURS!" Sting and Natsu yelled in unison.

The tick marks quickly multiplied on Lucy's forehead. All she'd wanted was to go on a peaceful shopping trip with Yukino, but who just HAD to come?

Lucy grabbed both dragon slayers by their hair, pulling. She knocked their heads together, leaving the two idiots lying unconscious on the ground.

"Come on, Yukino," She sighed, "It won't be long before they get up."


	12. Sorcerer Weekly

Sorcerer Weekly: July First edition

Fairy Tail special feature of the month, Lucy Heartfilia

Interviewer: Hello Miss Heartfilia! We're very happy to have you here today!

Lucy: I'm very happy to be here!

Interviewer: We'll start with some simple questions. What's your favorite color?

Lucy: I like pink and blue equally, actually.

Interviewer: Very nice colors. They suit you.

Lucy: Thanks!

Interviewer: Who would you say you're closest to in Fairy Tail?

Lucy: While I do have lots of close friends in Fairy Tail, I'd have to say that I'm closest to Natsu. He did bring me to Fairy Tail, after all!

(Mirajane Strauss appears)

Mirajane: And you two would make beautiful babies together!

Interviewer: It's Mirajane Strauss! Also in Fairy Tail, she is one of the most famous models in Fiore!

Lucy: Mira! How many times do I have to tell you! Natsu and I aren't like that!

Mirajane: Ara, ara Lucy-chan! You know you like him~

Interviewer: What a development! Are you and the Salamander and official couple Miss Heartfilia?

Lucy: NO. I mean, no, we are not, and we never will be!

Levy: Don't deny it Lu-chan~

Lucy: Not you too, Levy-chan… AND WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!

Laxus: Girlie here is with Natsu? I thought she was dating the stripper…

Lucy: LAXUS?!

Juvia: Love-rival is not together with Gray-sama. Juvia would never allow it.

Bixlow: Water lady's right! (Dolls: Right! Right! Water Lady!) Cosplay Queen and Loki are in love! (Dolls: Love! Cosplay! Love!)

Evergreen: Bixlow, you're an idiot. Lucy was definitely ogling the Saber-tooth guild mage during the games. She can't even be discrete…

Lucy: You shouldn't be talking about discrete when you and Elfman are so obvious…

Freed: I believe that you are the fool, Evergreen. Lucy-san is clearly in love with Laxus-Sama! He is the most wonderful!

Cana: Nah, Lucy is totally head over heels with Gajeel. She likes it rough.

Lucy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I say that I like assertive men once and then look at this…

Wendy: Oh you like assertive men…? I thought that you were in love with Freed-san…

Gajeel: Sorry kid, but you're wrong. Bunny-girl and the creepy doll guy are getting it on.

Juvia: No Gajeel-kun! Gajeel has to help Juvia make Love-rival realize her feelings for Lyon-sama, so Juvia will have removed her two biggest rivals for Gray-sama's love!

Gajeel: What kind of creepy things are going on in your head, rain woman?!

Lyon: Indeed, Juvia-chan! I only love you! Of course, no offense Lucy-san.

Lucy: None taken, I guess…

Lyon: And I hate to disagree with my beloved, but Lucy-san has feelings for the archive mage of Blue Pegasus.

Lucy: Hibiki?! What are you talking about?!

Hibiki: You called? Unfortunately, this beautiful princess does not hold affection for me in her heart; she loves none other than the Shadow Dragon slayer of Saber-Tooth.

Lucy: Wah~ you too, Hibiki?

Erza: Lucy does not hold feelings for any of these men!

Lucy: THANK YOU, ERZA!

Erza: She had a forbidden love vibe around the dragon slayer from Oracion Seis.

Lucy: I thought it got better, but it actually got worse… I've never even held a real conversation with Cobra… Next thing you know they'll be saying I married Midnight…

Rogue: You are married to the Reflector mage from Oracion Seis? I wish you the best of luck in your relationship.

Lucy: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU DOLT!

Sting: No need to be so harsh, Fairy-san. Anyways, I thought I saw you on a date with a guy with blue hair and a tattoo on his face. I don't know though, he looked kind of out of your league.

Lucy: WHY YOU LITTLE-

Gray: Calm down, Lucy. Why don't you just tell them that you're dating Mystogan already?

Lucy: WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT FROM?!

Yukino: Mystogan? Is that the council member that Lucy-sama was flirting with?

Lucy: I WASN'T FLIRTING WITH LAHAR!

Happy: How did you know that she wasn't talking about Doranbalt then? You ~like~ Lahar.

Lucy: I DON'T LIKE HIM! Or Doranbalt!

Carla: Unfortunate, as that would get the man away from Wendy.

Lucy: HOW DID YOU PEOPLE EVEN GET HERE?

Natsu: Hey, Lucy! I-

Lucy: I DON'T LIKE ANYONE!

Natsu: You don't have to yell, weirdo. I was just wondering if you wanted to go on a job.

Lucy: TAKE ME WITH YOU!

Natsu: You could have just said yes.

(Lucy Heartfilia and Natsu Dragneel exit)

Mira & Levy: They totally like each other.


	13. Date: Drabble

"For the last time, Bixlow! I'm not dating Natsu, or Gray, or Loki, or ANYONE!"

"Then will you date me?"


	14. How?

There she sat, maliciously unaware of his frustration.

She sipped her smoothie, chatting with the bar maid over an open book, completely oblivious to his inner turmoil. Or was she?

He growled deep in his throat, convinced that she was infuriating him on purpose. How? How did she do it?

He stalked to her table, a snarl twisting his features. How was it possible that she could? She was so weak! Not like the other girls in the guild.

She turned around. Seeing the menacing glare on his face, she squeaked, trying to hide behind her book. He slapped it roughly out of her hands, staring her right in the eyes. She gulped. It was silent.

He couldn't take it anymore.

"How did you do it?" Gajeel roared at the cowering Lucy, "How the hell did YOU beat Bixlow?!"


	15. Thievery

"So this is what we're gonna do," Lucy whispered, giggling maniacally, "I'll distract him, and then you grab the helm- crap. You don't have hands."

"Hands! Hands!" The dolls echoed. Lucy frowned thoughtfully.

A delighted (Read: deranged) grin lit her face, "New plan. Here's what you have to do…"

On the other side of the guild, a much less worrying conversation was going on between a white haired bar maid and Fairy Tail's resident seith mage.

"Oi, Mira!" Bixlow called.

Mira smiled, placing another pint of beer in front of Cana, "What can I do for you, Bixlow?"

"Have you seen my babies?" Bixlow asked, looking around as if to make sure they weren't there before he continued, "I lost them at the train station when we were headed back to the guild."

Mira frowned, "That's odd. They usually stay by you."

Bixlow grabbed the back of his neck with one hand, lifting the other helplessly, "I know! That's why I'm asking!"

Mira shrugged, sweeping back behind the bar, "I'll tell you if I see them Bixlow."

"Yeah…" Bixlow walked away, plopping down at a table.

Lucy watched from across the room, giggling darkly. Everyone within fifty feet of her sweat dropped. She tapped her fingers together slowly, a black aura filling the air around her.

"Soon…" She whispered, eyes wide an unfocused.

Gray scooted slowly down the bench. _Lucy has succumbed to the insanity,_ Gray thought, _I am now officially the only normal person here,_ he shook his head, stripping off his shirt. Without the ice mage noticing, one of Bixlow's infamous 'babies' flew out from under a table, snatched the shirt from mid-air, and flew away again.

"My plan…" Lucy whispered under her breath, watching the doll disappear from sight.

She turned to Gray, devious (deranged) grin still spread across her face, "Gray~ your shirt~"

Gray turned to her, shivering at her wide-eyed gaze, before turning to look at his bare chest.

"Crap!" Gray shouted, looking around frantically for his vanished shirt, "Where'd it go?"

"It should be on the floor," Lucy giggled, "You had it on a second ago…" Her face lit up in mock concern, "If you lost it, Erza is going to kill you… She said she didn't want to see your clothes lying around on the floor any more…"

Gray paled considerably. He got down on his hands and knees, going to check under the table for his missing article of clothing. His shoe disappeared, and was quickly scooped up by another of Bixlow's dolls.

_Perfect_, Lucy thought, watching Gray crawl around, _Just one more foot forward…_

Breathing heavy from panic, Gray pulled himself forward another foot, nearly directly under Cana's table.

It was like a Rube Goldberg machine. Natsu walked forward, tripping over Gray's back. Gray shot up, sending Cana's carefully arranged cards into the air. One of Bixlow's dolls dropped the death card into Cana's client, Evergreen's, hand, prompting Elfman to leap forward bellowing "Death is not MAN!"

Elfman collided with Cana's large barrel of beer. The wood cracked under his weight and the alcohol spilled all over the smooth wooden floor. Lisanna came forward, probably intending to help Elfman up, but she slipped in the puddle, her legs flying out from under her. Natsu jumped towards her, catching her before her head could hit the edge of one of the tables, but the alcohol on the ground caused him to slip, skidding into one of the tables while holding Lisanna against him. The vase on the table tipped over, spilling its contents on Lisanna's white shirt. She yelled, leaping up and away from Natsu.

Natsu leaped up, tipping the table over. He pointed an accusing finger at Gray, shouting, "You tripped me!"

"Shut up and help me look for my shirt," Gray yelled back.

Natsu rolled up his imaginary sleeves, stomping over to Gray. The alcohol was still covering the floor, though, and his feet were yanked from under him. His momentum carried him forward, making him crash into Gray. They skidded into the far wall. Juvia leaped up from her seat, yelling something along the usual lines of, "Juvia will not let anyone touch Gray-sama but Juvia!"

Bixlow's doll flew overhead; dropping one of Gray's commandeered shoes onto Juvia's head. Juvia looked up; trying to identify what had assaulted her. She saw Gray's shoe on the ground below her. She promptly fainted, _it's a sign! Fate has declared Gray-sama Juvia's!_ The water woman melted into a puddle, making the alcohol pool even larger. Gray turned just in time to see Juvia pass out. Natsu's fist hits his face while he's distracted, sending the Ice mage flying into the table that Natsu had tipped over. The round table rolled away, knocking Levy into Gajeel. Jet and Droy began sobbing about how their 'Levy-chan' was being accosted.

Lisanna hurried over to Mirajane at the bar, hurriedly shouting, "I need a new shirt!"

Mira ducked down beneath the counter, pulling out one of the emergency spares. Two of Bixlow's dolls swooped over her head, grabbing a couple of glasses from the shelf before Mira reemerged from under the counter, carrying an extra-large tee-shirt. Lisanna quickly pulled off the wet shirt and pulled the new one over her head. One of Bixlow's dolls picked up the soaked article of clothing and disappeared with it.

In the far corner, Gajeel got fed up with Jet and Droy's wailing and sent an Iron Dragon's club into the whining duo. Gajeel's magically extended arm burst through a wooden pillar, which erupted into a shower of dust and splinters, temporarily blinding half of the guild. A coating of wood dust landed on top of Erza's cake. A black aura leached into the air around her.

Natsu and Gray battled fiercely as always, throwing punches and kicks in rapid succession. Gray managed to get a good hit in, pushing Natsu about five feet away. One of Bixlow's dolls swooped in quickly, placing one of Fairy Tail's special, no shatter shot glasses on the floor in front of Natsu. The fire mage charged at his rival, his foot hitting the smooth glass. He pitched forward, turning because of the shape of the glass, sending his flaming fist tumbling right… into… Bixlow's coat.

The Seith mage jumped up, swatting at his burning clothing. Unnoticed, one of his dolls dropped Lisanna's wet shirt onto the bench where Bixlow was just sitting. It successfully smothered the sparks that could have set the guild on fire for the third time that week. Bixlow ran forward, towards Levy and Gajeel and the Juvia puddle.

Erza pulled a sword from her requip inventory, savagely screaming, "You ruined my cake!"

She launched the sword in Gajeel's direction. Bixlow continued his panicked sprint. His feet shot out from under him, the Juvia puddle making his boots lose their traction. Erza's sword passed overhead, snagging his visor onto the blade and flying away in a bizarre and blatant defiance of physics.

Lucy snagged the helmet out of the air. She was laughing maniacally, one boot planted on the bench and the other on the table. She pulled the sword out of the helmet, dropping the metal visor onto her head. She brandished the sword in the air. All of Bixlow's dolls emerged from under the table, coming to rest in the air around Lucy.

"I've done it Cana!" Lucy declared, waggling her tongue around in a blatant mimicry of the soul mage, "You said that I couldn't get the helmet! You said I was too boring to do it! HAHAHAHAHA! WHO'S BORING NOW?!"

With identical expressions of incredulity on their faces, everyone in the guild slowly turned to look at Cana.

She shrugged, pulling another oversized barrel of alcohol from who-knows-where.

"A girl needs entertainment," She gulped down some beer, "and Lucy's just too easy to manipulate."

A/N: This one was Joyeu's request for Lucy stealing Bixlow's helmet. I was in the mood for something crackish, I hope you guys don't mind.


	16. Companionable Silence

Rogue wandered through the double doors, listlessly weaving his way through the wooden tables to plop tiredly into a chair. He groaned, placing his forehead on the tabletop.

The activity in the Fairy Tail guild ceased, everyone turning to look at the apathetic shadow dragon-slayer. Natsu opened his mouth, presumably to say, _why the actual hell aren't you at your own guild,_ or more likely, because this is Natsu, _Fight me!_

The door burst open.

"Fight me, Natsu-san!" Sting shouted. The clamor in Fairy Tail resumed, everyone quickly forgetting the lethargic shadow dragon-slayer slumped at one of the wooden tables. Rogue groaned again, dragging himself off the seat and into a quieter corner.

Lucy entered the guild unnoticed. She took in the carnage that was the guild hall, taking notice of the white dragon-slayer in the midst of the fray. _Saber-tooth came to visit again,_ she thought, rolling her eyes.

Scanning the crowd, she picked out the quieter of the infamous dragon-slayer duo and picked her way through the crowd towards Rogue.

He looked up at her through half lidded red eyes.

"Hello, Lucy," He greeted her.

She smiled, pulling her bag off her shoulder and settling into the chair across from the black haired mage. "Hey, Rogue. Tired?"

Rogue nodded, resting his head on his arms once more.

"I took care of Sting's paperwork yesterday because he had to go to a meeting," His voice came out muffled, "I didn't get any sleep at all. I don't know how he does it."

Lucy nodded sympathetically. She dug around in her back, pulling out a crisp new paperback. She slid the book over the table top, nudging the cover into Rogue's arm.

"I finished the book, if you want to borrow it," Lucy told the shadow mage, rifling around in her back to pull out her manuscript, "It was as good as the reviews said."

Rogue picked his head up off his forearms, looking at the book. The tired dimness of his eyes faded a bit, and he pulled the book closer, opening it to the first page.

"Thank you," He told her quietly, his eyes already speeding over the text, "I've been waiting for this to come out."

Lucy smiled, already scribbling away at her notebook, "You're welcome."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Rogue reading the novel Lucy had handed him at alarming speeds, Lucy jotting down paragraphs in her care-worn notebook, occasionally looking up and asking Rogue, 'How does this sound' or 'Do you think this character should...' after which Rogue would give a short answer and they would fall silent again. Neither looked up when a vase- who knows where that came from- flew by Lucy's head and shattered by the far wall.

Natsu paused, his fist just inches from Gray's face. He squinted at the silent duo.

"Lucy's being weird again," He told Gray.

Gray turned his head to look at Lucy, "How? She's just writing…"

"Exactly!" Natsu declared, uncurling his fist from Gray's shirt (Miraculously still on), "She's sitting by the Saber guy, and they're not talking or anything! They're just sitting there!"

Gray shrugged; his bare shoulders moving up, and then down (Spoke too soon. His shirt's gone.) "Some people are like that," He declared.

"Whatever," Natsu cracked his knuckles, leaping at Gray, "Now fight me! Or are you too scared?"

"You're the one that stopped in the first place!" Gray yelled, driving his fist into Natsu's stomach.

In the quiet corner, Rogue flipped the page of his book, completely ignoring the ruckus of Fairy Tail.

Four hours later

"Hey, Rogue," Lucy frowned at her notebook.

"Yes, Lucy?" He glanced up at the blonde.

"You realize that Sting left two hours ago, right?"

"Crap."

A/N: And here we have something vaguely shippy. Or friendly, however you want to look at it. Reminder, I'm accepting requests, so long as they aren't rated M. Thank you and goodnight.


	17. Bug Zapper

Bzzt.

Bzzt.

Silence.

Bzzt.

Lucy Heartfilia's eye twitched. She rolled herself up tighter in her blanket, trying to ignore the constant zapping sound. The mosquitoes were bad enough, but this? She pulled her pillow over her head, trying to block out the noise.

Bzzt.

Bzzt.

Crackle.

Bzzt.

Silence.

Lucy sighed slightly in relief. Finally, a break. She closed her eyes, placing the pillow back in its proper place beneath her head. She felt herself drifting off to sleep, the edges of a dream already encroaching on her consciousness.

Bzzt.

That's it.

Lucy shot out of her sleeping bag, murderous intent in mind. Growling low in her throat, her eyes swept the campsite. A small flash of light caught her attention. It was accompanied by another _Bzzt_.

She whipped her head around, fully prepared to dish out holy vengeance on whomever was causing her lack of sleep.

A moth flew towards the lit up screen of Lucy's lightning dragon slayer companion. The insect was an inch away from the glowing surface, about to land.

Bzzt.

A small spark of electricity crackled from Laxus's hand, charring the moth to ash before it could so much as touch his sound pod.

Lucy's mouth dropped open. Laxus turned to her nonchalantly, pulling his headphones down around his neck. He gazed at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He drawled.

Lucy took a deep breath to calm herself. She turned away to climb back into her sleeping bag. She wasn't surprised. Nope, not at all. She turned back to Laxus, about to tell him good night. She opened her mouth.

"YOU'RE A LIVING BUG ZAPPER!" She yelled, most likely waking half of the forest.

Laxus rolled his eyes and placed his headphones back over his ears, ignoring the frustrated girl.


	18. Sex Tape

"What's this?" Natsu studied the object in his hands, his eyebrows furrowed. The object was black and box-like, a white label plastered haphazardly on one side. He squinted at the writing.

A hand quickly snatched the object away.

"It's a tape, idiot," Gray snapped, turning the tape over in his hands.

Erza materialized in the bedroom, muttering quietly about how _Lucy is very daring_, and _under what circumstances would you wear such a thing?_ Her face was a bright, rosy color.

"What's a tape?" Natsu asked.

Gray gave him an incredulous look. Erza straightened up, her new purpose of explaining tapes to Natsu taking the flush from her face.

"Tapes are ways for non-magical people to store their memories," Erza stated, "Because they can't use the lacrima to make a magical impression of an event, they have to take something called a video camera to record the event, and then they put it on the tape, so they can watch it later."

"Oh," Natsu nodded to himself, and then looked up at Erza, "Why can't they just remember it for themselves?"

"If you have it on tape, you can show it to other people," Gray explained, his focus on the tape in his hands making him forget to insult Natsu, "I wonder what Lucy has a tape lying around for."

Gray flipped the black plastic object over to read the crooked label.

The blood drained from his face and he froze in place.

"Gray?" Erza plucked the tape out of his immobile hands. She peered down at the letters on the white label.

The blush reappeared in full force, a drop of blood peeking out from her nose. Erza's brown eyes were wide as dinner plates. Slowly, she reached up an armored hand to wipe the blood from her nose, staring intently at the label the whole time.

"Guys?" Natsu asked, "Guys? What's wrong with you?"

Wordlessly, Erza handed him the tape.

Natsu squinted at it. There was nothing particularly fascinating about it, just a faded, off white sticker stuck on a dark gray plastic surface. Scrawled in black ink were messy letters that even Natsu's keen eyes could barely decipher.

He decided it wasn't worth the effort.

"What's the big deal?" Natsu squinted at his two team mates.

They ignored him.

Erza sprang into motion, beginning to pace the room.

"Lucy and Jellal cannot be in a relationship! They are not compatible. I am a much better match for Jellal due to our shared past," She muttered to herself, "I'm not jealous at all, I am just saving them both from a doomed match!" She pounded her armored fist into her palm, the clank of metal on metal ringing around the room.

"I thought she was innocent," Gray whispered to himself.

"What's going on?" Natsu asked again.

Happy flew into Lucy's bedroom from the kitchen, pilfered fish hanging from his mouth. He took a large bite before stowing it away in his backpack.

"Natsu, help!" Happy cried, spotting the frozen Gray and pacing Erza, "Lucy's weirdness is contagious! We need to get out!"

(Somewhere across Magnolia Lucy sneezed. "Stupid cat," She muttered, wiping her nose.)

Natsu shrugged at his feline companion, "They looked at this and then they started being like that. Do you think that this is what makes Lucy so weird?"

(Lucy sneezed again. "I'm going to kick him when I get home," Lucy declared.)

"Maybe," Happy held out his paw, "Can I see it?"

Natsu handed it to the blue exceed, "Sure."

Happy scrutinized the label on the tape. Slowly, a devious smirk spread over his features, and he began snickering darkly. (Lucy felt a chill run down her spine. "On second thought," She told herself, "Murdering them can wait.")

"I can't wait to tell Mira," Happy announced, "This is what Lucy gets for hiding her fish from me!"

Happy summoned his wings, lifting off and flying to the guild hall. Natsu shrugged to himself. At least Happy was acting normal.

Erza looked up from the floor, turning to look at the door that Happy had just disappeared through. "I shall wait for Lucy at the guild hall," She murmured, "She will not escape her fate- I mean she will not escape our heart to heart about relationships, of course."

The swords-woman walked stiffly out the door. The ice mage followed numbly, slightly stumbling. Natsu shrugged, standing up and following them out the door. He had nothing better to do, and maybe if he waited long enough, someone would tell him what was going on.

At that moment in the Fairy Tail guild hall, Happy barreled through the wooden double doors of the Fairy Tail guild hall, crying "Mira, Mira! I got something for you!"

Mira looked up from the wooden counter to peer at the flying blue cat. He was holding something in his paws, and Mira felt a jolt of anticipation. Happy was her chief informant, often bringing her the best bits of gossip to grace the guild. She smiled.

Happy landed on the counter, holding a black box in his paws.

"I found news on Lucy's love life," Happy announced. He held up the black object. Mira's eyes lit up, and she jumped forward, moving to snatch the tape out of his paws. Happy held it just out of reach.

"My fish," He demanded, "as per our previous arrangement."

"Yes, yes," Mira waved her hand, absently pulling out a salmon from under the counter and laying it on the wooden surface, "Now give me the tape."

Happy handed it over, digging into the salmon enthusiastically. "Read the label first," He told Mira, voice muffled through the fish.

Mira complied, squinting at the white sticker. Her eyes moved back and forth, deciphering the chicken scratch. Her face lit up.

A broad, devious grin stretched Mira's features. "Oh my~" Mira sung, "They've already gotten so far in their relationship!~"

"Oi! Barmaid! What are you on about this time?" Gajeel called.

Mira giggled, "Why, I'm talking about Lucy and Jellal, of course! We're going to have Celestial babies running around the guild soon!~"

Wakaba spit out his drink.

"That weenie got Bunny-girl pregnant?!" Gajeel yelled, dropping his tankard.

Levy looked up from her book, "Lu-chan is pregnant? And she didn't tell me?!"

Little chibi tears gathered in Levy's eyes. Jet and Droy rushed forward to comfort her, but Gajeel knocked them back with an iron club.

"Love-rival is no longer pursuing Gray-sama?!" Juvia cried hopefully, "Juvia knew that ex-Love-rival would come through."

Mira was too lost in ecstasy to care about the rumor she had just started, "Oh my~ I hope that Lucy lets me be the Godmother! Or maybe her bridesmaid! The wedding could be star themed and…" Mira continued planning Lucy's wedding.

The rest of the guild was lost in an uproar.

Wendy, who had just received The Talk a few days ago, was burying her flustered pink face in her small hands. Romeo was just as uncomfortable.

Gajeel was sitting by a pouting Levy. Bisca was on the blunette's other side, patting her back and attempting to comfort her, "Now, now, Levy. You and Lucy are best friends! I'm sure she was planning on telling you. She probably just didn't know how."

Cana was sitting at her table, booze barrel predictably by her side. "All your bets were wrong!" She crowed, "All your money is MINE!"

Laxus was silently throwing off static electricity in the corner, glaring at nothing in particular. Freed was trying to comfort him from a safe distance, but he ended up getting shocked anyway. His green hair stood up in an afro around his head. Bixlow cackled at Freed. Evergreen and Elfman glanced at each other and turned away again, both proclaiming something along the lines of:

"I'm going to pretend that I'm not thinking of our relationship and how it could progress THAT way!"

(Okay, that isn't what they said, but everyone knows that's what they meant.)

Gajeel went rigid. "You said that Bunny-girl and tattoo face were an item now, right?"

Everyone turned to look at Gajeel, taken aback by his terrified tone of voice.

"Yes…" Mira frowned, "That's what I said."

The blood drained from Gajeel's face, "Titania."

The guild was positively still. The only sound to be heard was the crackling of Laxus's lightning in the corner.

The double doors of the guild hall flew open, banging against the walls with a resounding _Crack._ In strode none other than Natsu, Gray, and the Red-haired Demon.

"Mira!" Erza shouted, her voice ringing with authority, "Prepare the dueling ground!"

The guild broke out in whispers.

"She wouldn't!"

"Not when Lucy is pregnant!"

"But the baby!"

Erza's mouth dropped open, and a light blush coated her cheeks, "Lucy is pregnant?!"

Everyone nodded. Mira sighed happily, "I hope they're twins. And they have green hair! That would be so cute."

Erza walked robotically to a table, mumbling to herself distractedly, "A baby? That complicates my plans. Maybe a contest? No! I must show Lucy my support! There will be no contests. I shall not interfere." She pounded her fist into her palm.

Gray wandered absently into the guild hall, "I thought she was a virgin…"

"Nope!" Cana cackled, "She doesn't have that underwear for nothin'!"

Gray opened his mouth to reply. He was bowled over the floor.

Juvia nuzzled her herself into Gray, her arms squeezing his neck. Gray was sandwiched in between the water woman and the floor, pinned down by Juvia's weight and the force of her embrace.

"Gray-sama!" Juvia cried, "Love-rival is marrying another man! Juvia and Gray-sama are free to show their love!"

"What are you talking about?!" Gray spluttered, his face turning red from lack of oxygen.

Cana looked at the pair on the floor skeptically. "I can't tell if Juvia is day-dreaming again or their actually in a relationship," She remarked, taking a draft of beer from her barrel.

"Juvia and Gray are finally in a relationship too!" Mira cried.

Cana didn't bother correcting her.

"Two couples in one day!" Mira squealed, "There is hope for this guild yet! Of course, Lucy and Jellal was rather unexpected, but I've been planning the Gruvia wedding for months! And Jellal and Lucy need a ship name!"

Erza's ears perked up, "Juvia has finally managed to get through to Gray?"

Erza stood up, marching over to the pair on the floor. She pulled Juvia off of Gray, smashing the blue-haired woman's head to her breast-plate, "I knew that your determination would win out in the end, Juvia! You did not falter in your mission, and you achieved your goals! I am proud of you, Juvia."

The concussion Juvia had suffered at the hands of Erza's hug did not allow the water mage to express her confusion.

"JelLu!" Mira announced.

Even Laxus stopped his angry sparking to look at the white haired barmaid in confusion.

"The ship name!" Mira declared, smiling and clapping her hands together, "It's a combination of Lucy and Jellal's names. I have them for everyone! There's Gruvia, and Gajevy, and of course there's the less obvious ones-"

"Who are you callin' obvious?!" Gajeel roared. Mira ignored him.

"Like GrAna, Gray and Cana, or NaVia, Natsu and Juvia!" Mira chirped, "I love making up ships, and imagining the babies! Or imagining what leads to the ba-"

Wendy covered her ears and ran out of the guild, feeling that this was likely not a conversation that Charle would approve of her listening to.

_Slam._

Wendy looked up at the person she had just smacked into, letting out a small _Eep!_

"Lucy-san!" Wendy's face turned bright red. She bowed apologetically, "I'm sorry! Um… Congratulations on the baby, Lucy-san!" Wendy scampered off.

Lucy looked after the small girl, puzzled. _Baby? What baby?_ Lucy shrugged to herself. She had probably just misheard the sky dragon slayer. Humming to herself, Lucy walked into the guild.

And was greeted by absolute silence.

Roughly twenty people stared unblinkingly at Lucy. Natsu broke the silence first, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her back and forth, "Lucy! Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? When the baby comes, can I teach it fire magic?"

Lucy pulled away from her enthusiastic partner, trying to stop her eyes from rattling in her skull, "Pregnant? Natsu, what are you talking about?"

"Lucy!"

The blonde looked over Natsu's shoulder to see Erza standing authoritatively in the middle of the room.

"Erza, what's going on?" Lucy asked.

Erza dropped to one knee putting her fist on her heart, "I have been a horrible team-mate! When I learned of your relationship with Jellal, I planned to break you apart to satisfy my own jealousy! I am a terrible friend and a terrible guild-mate. Please hit me."

Lucy pushed Natsu aside to stand closer to the red headed woman. "You're a wonderful team-mate Erza! Jealousy is a completely natural response to- WAIT, WHAT?! RELATIONSHIP WITH JELLAL?!"

Erza rose to her feet, "I promise to support you in your pregnancy unconditionally to atone for my actions!" Erza slammed her fist to her chest.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Lucy cried.

Levy sidled up closer to the Celestial mage, "Now, now Lu-chan. You can stop pretending now."

The script mage took a step back, "To be honest, I was kind of hurt that you didn't tell me first, but I promise to forgive you if you make me godmother." A devious glint entered Levy's eyes.

Juvia jumped on Lucy with a tremendous bear hug. "You are no longer Juvia's love-rival! You are Juvia's best friend Lucy-san!"

Lucy laughed nervously and detangled herself from the enthusiastic water mage, "Um… Thanks?"

Lucy took a step back and collided with something solid. She spun around, only to find Laxus glowering into the distance. He looked down at her, his expression softening by a barely detectable amount.

"If he ever treats you wrong," Laxus growled, "Tell me and I'll fry him."

"Thank you, Lax-" Lucy stopped abruptly, "NO, WAIT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!"

Cana put an arm around her shoulders, "You can stop the act, Lucy. We found the tape. I've just got one question," The brunette took a swig from her liquor bottle, "Was the sex good?"

Lucy leapt away from the alcoholic like Cana had the plague, only to knock into Mirajane. The silver haired woman smiled. "Hello, Lucy!"

Relaxing slightly Lucy sighed with relief, "Mira! I'm so confused! Everyone is saying that I'm preg-"

Mirajane tilted her head and smiled prettily, "I'd never pegged you as the type to make a sex tape Lucy! I suppose that you find out new things about people every day."

Lucy's face erupted into shades of red previously unknown to mankind.

"Mira!" Lucy shrilled.

"Now, now, Lucy! There's no need to be so embarrassed! Everyone has their own hobbies. Tell me, what are you thinking of naming your children?"

"You think that Jellal got me pregnant and we made a tape?!" Lucy waved her arms around.

"Why of course!" Mirajane showed Lucy the tape, "What else would this be?"

Lucy took the black, boxlike object, scrutinizing the label on the surface. Her face went an even deeper shade of red.

Jellal, being the unluckiest mage to ever grace the face of Earthland, chose that moment to stride into the Fairy Tail guild hall.

The doors slammed shut behind him. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me, Fairy Tail? During one of Crime Sorciere's-"

He was swiftly cut off by roughly twenty clamoring Fairy Tail mages. Laxus reached the former wizard saint. The burly blonde grabbed Jellal by his collar, nearly ripping the dark material.

"If you ever hurt her," Laxus growled, "I will personally ensure that are never, ever able to walk again. Am I clear?"

"What are you-," Jellal started, but Laxus was already stalking broodily away.

Erza strode forward, stopping in front of Jellal. She nodded, "I respect your choice and hope you have a successful relationship."

She turned and walked away. Gray made a move to come forward, but Mira cut him off, grabbing Jellal by the arm and leading (Dragging) him forward.

"Stand still," Mira chirped, "I want a couple picture!"

Jellal blinked in confusion, "Couple picture, Mirajane-san, what are you talking about?"

Lucy whimpered. She was still staring at the label on the tape in disbelief.

"And what's wrong with Lucy? Is she alright? She's been staring at that since I arrived," Jellal added as an afterthought.

"Why Jellal, doesn't it look familiar?" Mirajane asked innocently.

"It looks like a tape, Mirajane-san," Jellal responded, "Is someone going to explain what's going on?"

"We know all about you and Lucy, Jellal," Mira began rummaging in her pockets, "Do you know what you're naming the babies?"

"Babies?!" Jellal held his hands out in front of him, "We went to lunch ONCE when we saw each other on a job! This is going a bit far."

Mira pulled a camera out of her dress pocket, "We found the tape Jellal. I don't know why you two are so intent on keeping this secret."

"Tape?" Jellal furrowed his eyebrows, "Lucy, may I see that?"

Lucy handed him the tape wordlessly.

The heavenly body mage squinted down at the label. His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. He hurled the black box against the guild wall, which it hit with a loud _Thud_.

"Midnight," Jellal growled, his eye twitching.

He turned to face the rest of the guild, taking a deep breath. "I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you, but the tape is by no means a documentation of," Jellal's face flushed bright red, "Any bedroom activities. One of my guild mates apparently wanted to cause me trouble and thought this would be hilarious. If you watch the tape, it will most likely be blank. If you'll excuse me now, I have someone to obliterate."

Jellal stalked out of the guild hall.

Mira smiled, turning to Lucy, "Didn't Jellal say something about a lunch date?"

Lucy buried her face in her hands, "Mira!"

Erza jumped up from her chair, "Lucy! I can now exercise my right to challenge you to a duel!"

"But I don't want to duel!" Lucy cried.

"Is Lucy-san Juvia's love-rival or not?" Juvia wailed.

Natsu looked around the guild, his eyes bouncing from mage to mage, "Wait… Is Lucy pregnant or not?!"


	19. Match Made in Heaven: Drabble

Jellal sauntered up to the crimson haired swords mage.

"Hey Erza," Jellal smirked, "You know, some people would say we're a match made in _Heaven_."

Erza slapped him.


	20. Levy's cat

Gajeel decided that he hated Levy's cat. It was a small, dainty thing, with soft white fur, small delicate paws, and warm golden eyes. Instead of a collar, Levy had tied a pink ribbon around its neck, a charm shaped like a key hanging from the center of the bow.

And it was mocking him. He just knew it.

Lucy, Levy's cat, stared contemptuously at him through half lidded eyes. Gajeel glared at her. She gave what was equivalent to a smirk and nestled deeper into Levy's lap. Gajeel growled.

"Gajeel?" Levy stroked her hand through Lucy's fur. The demon-cat purred, "Are you having a staring contest with my cat?"

"…Maybe," Gajeel sat up. Lucy purred in a self-satisfied way.

_You win this one, cat._

A/N: So… This was really random. I don't really know where this came from, but I guess it's kind of real world au where Lucy is Levy's cat and she really doesn't like Gajeel. Yeah. If you have any requests you could send, that would be wonderful.


	21. Daily

Lucy frowned at her snickering best friend.

"Levy-chan! It's not funny!" She whined, wiping at the soot coating her face.

Levy schooled her face into a serious expression, "I'm sorry Lu, it's just," She burst out laughing again, "You look so funny!"

Lucy pouted at her roommate, "I can't help it! I've never been any good at potions."

Levy's giggles died away, "Don't worry, Lu-chan! You're great at summoning!" She comforted the sulking witch.

The blonde sniffed, "You really think so Levy-chan?"

Levy nodded enthusiastically, "You summoned me, didn't you?"

She seemed to consider this for a while before she turned to the ghost and smiled, "I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right!" Levy declared, planting her hands on her hips. She surveyed the damage that Lucy's attempted love potion had caused. The bookshelves were blackened from the soot, the couches were charred, and the coffee table Lucy's cauldron had been placed on was a lump of charcoal. Lucy's cauldron came out of it miraculously unscathed.

"I'm going to start making dinner while you clean this up," Levy told the blonde, who looked at the mess in despair.

Levy swept out of the room, her mist-like limbs dispersing and reforming as she walked through the singed sofa.

The poltergeist floated into the kitchen. She looked around, genuinely surprised to note that there was no one in the kitchen. Usually Natsu was camping out here, or Gray, and occasionally Gajeel.

She blushed a little, thinking of the were-wolf.

Levy opened the fridge, letting the door sweep through her body instead of stepping around. She felt the blast of cool air on her, making her flicker.

"I knew it," Levy giggled.

Gray was curled up in the bottom of the refrigerator, his clothes thrown over various food items. His wings were tilted at a strange, uncomfortable looking angle, jammed against the back of the fridge. A slice of Lucy's favorite cheese hung off of the tip of one feather. Levy stifled a snort at the sight of the boread.

"No, Juvia!" He mumbled, tossing over in his sleep, "I'm not a safety pin!"

Levy's eyebrows shot up.

"Gray," Levy said, "Gray, you need to wake up."

All the ice spirit did was turn over, clawing weekly at the side of the fridge.

"Gray! ~" Levy repeated, sing-song.

No reaction.

The blue haired ghost smirked deviously. Reaching out a light blue hand, she grabbed the handle of the coffee maker. She had brewed the pot just fifteen minutes ago, leaving the liquid still uncomfortably warm.

She dumped the pot on Gray.

The black haired spirit shot up, hitting his head on the top of the fridge, "I'm pretty, but I'm not in fashion!" He shouted, before looking around in confusion.

Levy rolled around in the air, howling with laughter, "Oh my god, oh my god," She breathed, "What kind of dreams do you have?"

"Shut up," Gray mumbled, stepping out of the fridge, "Juvia wanted me to try on a prince costume. It's a nightmare."

Levy stifled her chortles, straightening out so her feet hovered just a foot off the floor. Gray was attempting to scrape off the coffee that had frozen to his light blue skin. His wings fluttered behind him, the cheese still stubbornly clinging to one feather.

"Since you're here," Levy started.

"Hey, Levy-chan," Lucy walked into the room, straightening her hat, "I finished up the cleaning and I was wondering-"

She froze, her eyes fixed on Gray's wing.

"Is that… my… cheese?" Lucy asked, her hands clenching into fists as she lowered her bangs to cover her eyes.

"Um…" Gray laughed nervously. His voice was several octaves too high.

Lucy whipped the wand from her belt, snapping the tip to him. A dark orb of energy coalesced at the tip, launching at Gray. The black light engulfed him, shrinking him until he disappeared with a pop and a flash of light.

Levy rolled her eyes. Lucy was always touchy about her cheese, and Gray should know not to sleep in the fridge by now.

"So, as I was saying," Lucy continued, rolling her eyes, "Do you need help with dinner?"

A/N: I'm sorry this was so short. And that I haven't updated in a while. I'm still taking requests if you want to submit them, and I'll try to update again sooner. Constructive criticism is also always welcome!


	22. END

"After a lengthy session of research," Master Makarov announced to the guild, "We have finally determined what E.N.D. stands for."

He cleared his throat, holding a note card before him.

"**E**vil **N**atsu **D**ragneel's girlfriend," His voice bounced through the guild.

Everyone in the guild whipped their heads around to stare at Lucy.

The celestial mage froze, her straw hanging out of her mouth. She let it drop back into her vanilla milkshake and looked around, unnerved by the stares fixed on her. Realization dawned.

"What? You think it's…" She pointed to herself.

Everyone nodded.

"I'm not Natsu's girlfriend!" She yelped, a bright brush covering her cheeks, "And I'm certainly not EVIL!"

"I don't know," Gajeel mumbled, "That kick is pretty fierce."

"And she screeches like a hellion," Natsu added, helpfully.

"Hey!" Lucy protested. No one paid her any attention.

"She IS pretty savage," Jet muttered to Droy.

"Really vain too," Bixlow cackled.

Gray scratched the back of his head, "I hate to say this, but she's really stingy. But I don't think she's Natsu's girlfriend…"

"So you think that I'm evil, but you don't think I have a boyfriend?!" Lucy cried, outraged. She turned, pleading to Levy, "You don't think that I'm evil, do you Levy-chan."

Levy sniffed, "Only someone truly heartless would kill the main character's best love interest like you did," She declared.

"Even you, Levy-chan!" Lucy wailed. She felt a slight tug on her sleeve. She turned her head, seeing Wendy pinching her sleeve.

"I don't think that you're evil, Lucy-san," She mumbled.

Lucy opened her mouth to thank the shy girl. She was swiftly interrupted.

"Wendy!" Charle's harsh voice cut through their conversation, "Get away from her this instant! She's evil!"

Lucy slammed her head into the bar, groaning to herself about stupid guild mates.

A/N: After the Lumen Histoire reveal, I had to jump on the bandwagon. Sorry, but not really. I recently realized that I completely forgot to reply to all the people who sent their support through the reviews. I'm really sorry for that. I want everyone who reviewed to know that your support really means a lot to me. Like really. They mean the world to me. Anyway, requests are still open, and constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
